Tuesday 25 January 2011

The Kids are All Right – Lisa Cholodenko

18 years, you have been living in a lesbian family, always known you and your brother came from the same sperm donor but a different mother. There must be a certain kind of curiosity about what the donor would be like. Unlike "Queer as fork" the mothers knew the donor; apart from that they are pretty much alike - a lesbian family bearing kid(s) having family of their own.

There are movies about gay couples starting their own family, how they struggle this and that, but not problems when the kids are grown. Recently, I have been reading and watching a lot of family dramas and movies, there is one, which makes me stop and ponder the possibility of having a family on my own - Ricky Martin's memoir “ME”. I have always acknowledged about the concept of surrogacy but it never sounded real to me until Ricky Martin announced his adorable twin.

I reckon this could be easier for lesbian family as they don't have to go through the whole surrogacy process, however, choosing the right donor and bearing the baby could be more plaintive than picking a surrogate and the donor. I'm not sure whether this is an advantage or not (for homosexuals), when have you decided to have kids, you could also decide the color of their skin, eyes, hair... Etc. Of course the cost would be a lot more extravagant. Morally, people are still questioning the vices and virtues of this issue. But this seems to be the only option for the gay family to have their own family (blood related family).

Who is my father? Or mother? Would be frequently asked in many LGBT families, if they are even adopting a kid. I was bought up in a single parent family with an absent father. Would see my birth mother once in a while. There is never a minute in my life I questioned the involvement of my parents. However, deep down I wished I had family like other normal kids. There must be similarity in those homosexual families, not that having two dads or mums are not enough, it is just sheer curiosity that everyone is having both mum and dad in lieu of the alternative. In this case they are looking for their dad. What would he be like? Bonds forged not only between the kids and the donor, but also one of the mothers in the movie.

The movie could have taken the other direction, resentful and all. The humor used in the movie made it more approachable, I could still hear people in the cinema giving awful comments or long exhalation when the leads are kissing. No matter how fast changing our world is now, there are still plenty of people out there don't approve nor understand us. I may even say some of us don't have any clue of having a gay family, how it is like. Watching this kind of movies is somehow assuring. Telling us it is just the same as the others. We argue, we fight, we make mistakes, we forgive, we love, and most importantly we care. We have to have the courage not only embracing ourselves but also embracing our loved ones false.

As well as enjoying the dynamics of the family there are still loads to ponder afterwards. When is my time to start mine?

The film won the Golden Glove Award for Best Motion Picture and Best Actress - Annette Benning.

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